The Not So Itsy Bitsy Spider
by TheLateNightStoryteller
Summary: Based off the 'You hear a scream in the night and think you are getting murdered but it's just a spider' prompt on tumblr. FitzSimmons oneshot set during their time at Sci-Ops.


It was an ordinary Friday evening, Fitz was at Simmons' flat, taking a break from board games to search her refrigerator for left over blackberry pastries (she made, in his opinion, the best pastries in the entire world).

He had placed the container on the counter and was reaching for a plate when he noticed three large jars huddled together next to the toaster. What he spotted inside those jars almost made him drop the dish to the floor.

"Simmons!" He called, alarmed and clearly disapproving.

"What is it?" She asked, hurrying into the kitchen. "Oh," she chuckled at him. "I forgot to introduce you," she skipped over to the jars and pointed to each with an up facing palm as she spoke. "This is Charlotte, Little Miss Muffet, Muffet for short, and Itsy Bitsy."

"She doesn't look Itsy Bitsy," Fitz muttered, staring wearily at the enormous, brightly coloured spider perched on a thick stick. She'd made herself a white, wispy web with a thick mass of silk in the center that looked suspiciously like an egg sac. It was something right out of a horror film.

Simmons tisked at him and peered fondly in at the freakish creatures. "Oh don't start," she warned. "They're gorgeous and they're going to help me create a new, damage resistant fabric for our field agents."

"You're using their silk?" Fitz guessed, suddenly interested despite his aversion to the creepy crawlies.

"I am," she chirped, reaching up for a plate.

"That's great, really," he said quickly, not sounding at all convincing, "but why do you need to keep them in your kitchen?" He questioned, crossing his arms.

"They can't stay in the lab alone all weekend," Simmons explained, shaking her head at him and taking a pastry and a napkin for herself before plopping the largest of the batch onto Fitz's plate. "Who would feed them? Ensure they had a sufficiently humid environment? They're very expensive and it took a lot of work to create a spider which could produce enough silk in one day to be useful and modify the silk for increased strength and thickness."

"So... the super spiders get the royal treatment?" Fitz realized unhappily.

"Exactly," she grinned.

"And how long, exactly, are they going to be staying here?"

"Just for the weekend," she answered as they started back to the sitting room to continue their game. Fitz relaxed, relieved, until she continued. "And the weekend after that, and the one after that-"

"Simmons!" he exclaimed, bouncing his plate so that pastry almost flew off. "I'm not going to come here if you have- those things- in your kitchen."

"Oh Fitz, they're only spiders," she dismissed, settling back down in her seat and placing her plate next to her pile of Blokus tiles. Fitz did the same, taking the spot next to her on the sofa because the game didn't require any pieces or cards to be hidden. "And besides they're safely in their jars, they aren't getting out to crawl all over you."

"They had better not," he grumbled, frowning at the thought while she turned round, pleading eyes on him.

"I'd miss you if you didn't come over anymore," she told him sweetly, crumbling all of his defenses as if they'd been made of stale crackers and she had wrecking ball.

Fitz sighed. "Fine," he muttered, trying not show how his stomach had fluttered with butterflies when she'd said she'd miss him. "But they stay in those jars, no taking them out to play or to goggle at OK?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course not, that would be completely irresponsible."

/-/-/

A few weeks later, Friday again, Fitz and Simmons stood outside her building, watching SHIELD Pest Control prepare for a mass extermination.

"I saw this coming a mile away," he said, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Simmons scoffed. "You did not."

"Didn't I tell you not to leave the lids of the jars open so long when you were feeding them?" He demanded.

"This is not because I left the lid open," she protested, offended. "This is because you dropped a jar of incredibly valuable spiderlings onto the ground."

"Because I was trying to get the lid back on so their mother didn't crawl out into your kitchen!" he objected. "Don't put this on me, you were the one who said we'd gotten all of them except Not-So-Itsy-Bitsy."

"We?" She questioned, incredulous. "You mean I got all of them while you-"

"Spotted them from a chair," he finished.

She snorted at him. "Is that what you called it? Well I guess you didn't spot all of them did you?" She looked back her now roped off building and groaned in frustration. "Now I'm going to need to find a hotel."

Fitz frowned, confused. "Hold on you don't mean... Simmons you're not staying in some dusty old cheap hotel," he told her, surprised she'd thought she'd have to. "You can stay with me."

She turned her head to face him, seeming taken aback. "Oh... I can... really?"

"I mean... if you'd like that," he blushed, suddenly shy. "Unless you'd prefer a hotel."

"Not at all," exclaimed, beaming at him. "You'd be saving me loads of money and travel time, you live right next to where we work."

"I do," he agreed, smiling at her.

"And it would be such fun staying with you," she added enthusiastically. "We can make pancakes, do experiments in the kitchen, play board games..."

"It'd be a party every night," he chuckled and she laughed happily with him.

"Parker wont mind?" She wondered.

Right, his roommate, Fitz had momentarily forgotten about him, but he was sure he'd be alright with it. He liked Simmons and people and he was barely ever around anyways.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Fitz assured her.

"Ask him, just in case," Simmons suggested. "I need to go talk to the exterminator about keeping those spiders alive. I've left Charlotte and Muffet safely with another member of our team but I really would like Itsy Bitsy back."

'Good luck with that,' he thought as he watched her dart away to pester the exterminator. He didn't know it, but Itsy Bitsy was much closer than either of them knew, nestled contently at the bottom of his bag in an old chocolate bar wrapper.

/-/-/

"Oh my God Fitz, this is huge," Parker exclaimed, stuffing a sweater into his duffle bag as Fitz watched uneasily from his doorway.

"I didn't mean you had to leave-" he mumbled but Parker ignored him.

"I mean, your girlfriend is going to be staying with you, for two weeks!" He went on. "Are you two planning on moving in together, should I look for a new roommate? This is a trial run isn't it?"

"I've told you a thousand times she isn't my girlfriend," Fitz grumbled, pouting at his roommate.

Parker laughed. "Right. See, Fitz, I know a few things about love and I'm pretty sure you two are going steady and you just don't know it yet."

"She's my friend that's all," Fitz protested, his cheeks reddening. "Just because she's a girl does not mean-"

"Oh this isn't because she's a girl," Parker corrected. "I have friends who are girls, plenty... well like three... and one's my sister... but the other two are my friends and they're not my type."

"How do you know Simmons is my type?" Fitz questioned.

He raised his eyebrows. "She's definitely your type." He asserted.

Fitz huffed out a breath, irritated but giving up. He knew there was no sense arguing with his crazy roommate. "Fine, whatever, but she doesn't... I'm not really her type. She likes well formed, symmetrical Ops graduates not," he gestured to himself. "This."

"Yeah and I like Nachos," Parker shrugged. "Doesn't mean I wouldn't go for pizza. Besides you're symmetrical," he drew an imaginary line down Fitz with his index finger, "and I don't know what well formed means... but who needs it? You two are totally in love with each other, Simmons just doesn't know it... but I think you do."

Fitz was a beet with arms.

Parker chuckled at him. "Have a good night roomey, I'm off to my friend's house for a few days, we have some major catching up to do in Halo. Let me know if you're moving in with Simmons."

Fitz watched him go, ruffled. "I'm not moving in with Simmons," he replied to an empty flat.

Parker was wrong, there was nothing between them other than a deep mutual respect, a love of each other's company and an incredible intellectual compatibility. Simmons wasn't his girlfriend anymore than he an angry porcupine man with wings.

She was coming over in less than an hour though, and his place was a mess. So he rolled up his sleeves and got to work gathering up all the old pop cans and beer bottles, even finding an old Cup of Soup container on the glass table in the sitting room.

/-/-/

Simmons arrived to find Fitz's place the cleanest she'd ever seen it. He took her bag for her and brought it to his room where he insisted she'd be staying until she could go home. He told he could sleep on the sofa.

"I couldn't take your room," she protested. "As kind of you as it is to offer-"

"Offer?" he exclaimed, throwing her bag onto his neatly made bed. "Simmons I didn't run around like a headless chicken, making sure all the sheets and the comforter were clean, just to have you sleep on the couch. This isn't an offer, it's an obligation."

The warmth in her chest pulled her mouth into a smile. For all his grumblings and confrontations, her friend could be a such a sweetheart when he wanted to be.

"How about we take turns?" She suggested. "That way no one needs to be sleeping on a sofa for two weeks."

He smiled back. "Deal, but you can stay in here first because I-"

"Just ran around like a headless chicken," she chuckled.

"Yeah," he laughed.

They had pancakes for supper and made popcorn. The machine was new and Fitz couldn't find the English instructions so had decided to wing it. The outcome was both predictable and- at least in Simmons' opinion- a whole lot of fun. The lid of the machine was meant to guide the freshly popped kernels into the bowl but Fitz hadn't attached it correctly and they ended up hiding behind the counter to avoid the hot, fluffy projectiles being hurled at them.

"Oh yes, this is really funny Simmons," Fitz whispered in response to her giggles, as if they had been cornered by an enemy. "Wait until the rainstorm of popcorn ceases and we have to clean it up." She giggled again and he shook his head, grinning fondly at her. "Silly Simmons."

They watched a film together, munching on microwave pocorn, a new one about an adorable robot that made both of them tear up.

"He doesn't have an anatomical heart, but he has a gigantic metaphorical one," Simmons sniffled as Fitz, eyes bright handed her a tissue.

After it was finished, they put on their pajamas and Simmons kissed Fitz's cheek, lighting his face with a smile that brightened the world a little bit, before wishing him a good night and heading to bed.

It smelled like lemons and soap in his bed and he'd hung stars on his ceilings in tiny, glow in the dark constellations. His bedside table held a tiny monkey figurine, a picture of the pair of them, glowing happily, and a picture of him and his mum. She stared at them for a minute before turning off the lamp, wondering why he'd chosen a picture of them with himself so far in the background. He wasn't even facing the camera, he was looking at her, a soft, affectionate expression on his face that reminded her of the way the little robot in the film had looked at the other robot, the one it had been in love with. Which was silly because Fitz wasn't a robot and he certainly wasn't in love with her.

They both looked lovely in the photograph, that was probably why he'd chosen it, she decided, switching off the lamp and letting the stars fluoresce down on her. It wasn't long before she'd fallen asleep.

/-/-/

A few hours later, she awoke to Fitz screaming her name.

"Jemma!" He cried, clearly terrified. "Help! Help me!"

Heart racing, she leapt out of bed unsure what she was going to find. Was there a burglar? A fire? Had he managed to hurt himself? It sounded as if he were being murdered...

'Not my Fitz you dirty rotten scoundrel!' She thought furiously launching herself out of his room, ready for a fight.

"Fitz!" She shouted, flipping the lights on to see him sitting up on the sofa, white as a sheet and looking horrified while Itsy Bitsy crawled across his forehead.

"Jemma, please... get it off!" He begged. "It's gonna bite me!"

Simmons bit back a laugh, not managing to keep in a little snort which escaped before she covered her mouth. It wasn't at all what she had been expecting and she would have been laughing until her sides hurt at how ridiculous the whole thing was, except poor Fitz looked traumatized. She didn't like seeing him unhappy, even if it was over something as ridiculous as a harmless little spider.

"It's OK," she soothed, cautiously approaching him so that she didn't startle her spider into crawling into his shirt. Then he'd really be unhappy and she'd probably lose her project when he panicked and squished it. "Just don't move and I'll get it off."

"OK..." he answered.

Slowly, carefully, she lay one hand in front of the spider and scooted it forward with the other.

"Be careful," he worried, relaxing as it's legs left his skin but watching her hand anxiously as she left the room, returning with a cup to place it in.

"There, everyone's safe now," she announced brightly.

Fitz still seemed upset. "Yeah."

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"That was..." he looked away, ears red and she realized he was embarrassed. "What kind of secret agent is frightened of a spider?"

"Apparently the super intelligent, brave, incredibly sweet ones," she answered and he turned to her, surprised. "Hey, remember that I was afraid of a text book once."

He smiled at her. "Because it was floating."

She shook her head. "A rather cruel prank."

"You screamed so loudly," he chuckled.

She raised her eyebrows, grinning mischievously. "I think you beat me today."

He stuck his tongue out at her and she stuck hers back before they both giggled at themselves.

"At least we have Itsy Bitsy back," she said cheerfully, examining the spider she'd stored in a cup with a punctured paper lid.

"I vote we rename her, Not-So-Itsy-Bitsy," Fitz said, scowling at it.

Simmons scrunched her nose at him. "That's a little long don't you think." She yawned.

"Better get back to bed," Fitz chuckled.

She nodded. "Thanks for finding my spider... spiderman."

He groaned. "You're going to start calling me that now aren't you?"

She shrugged, laughing at him. "Maybe."

"Goodnight Silly Simmons," he laughed.

"Goodnight Silly Fitz," she smiled.

/-/-/

For the next few weeks, Simmons did call him spiderman on and off, teasing but also affectionate and he didn't mind. She'd said he was sweet and brave and made him feel that it was OK to be frightened of silly things sometimes, it didn't make you anything other than what you were. He wasn't one to show his weaknesses, his vulnerabilities but he knew he could trust Simmons, that he was safe with her.

Even from giant spiders.

/-/-/

* * *

><p>There is a reference to the TV show Fringe in this story, it is the flying porcupine man (yeah, that happened XD)<p>

It takes place in 2008 because the movie they watched was Wall-E and that was the year it came out.

The whole I like nachos but also pizza sounded familiar after I wrote it and is probably from something else, if you know feel free to tell me.

Parker is based off of Skye (of Agents of SHIELD) and Bumi from Avatar the Last Airbender.

This is based off a prompt from Notapepper. Thanks, you're awesome as always. :D.

Charlotte is named after the spider from Charlotte's web, Little Miss Muffet is from the nursery rhyme and Itsy Bitsy is from the song Itsy Bitsy spider.


End file.
